Importance of Family Rituals

My wife and I are officially members of a unique group. We even have a certificate to prove it. The certificate states that we have "crossed THE ARCTIC CIRCLE and survived an adventurous journey through the Alaska wilderness..." It was signed on June 14, 2006 by Kati, our guide. To further prove it, I even have a photo of our first step into that circle while driving the Dalton Highway from Fairbanks to Coldspot. After stepping over a dotted line on the red carpet Kati rolled out for us she gave us all a piece of chocolate cake to celebrate our accomplishment. We laughed about it, swatted a few hundred mosquitoes and continued on our journey. The ritual attached to that little adventure made it one of those moments that will remain in our memory. It served to remind me that rituals of all kinds are vital to the life of our families.

To illustrate here's what Todd Shelton wrote about the importance of ritual in joining his Kappa Alpha college fraternity.

"Any ritual, if indifferently practiced, can indeed become rigmarole, but something far deeper than repetitive performances makes a ritual both vital and enduring. A good ritual is a distillation of wisdom from ages past. The appeal of any ritual is its universal communication. It penetrates the mind and heart of the young initiate. It deals with the fundamental character of personal growth with which all men must deal. Society is in constant change, but human beings remain basically the same. Herein lies the value of ritualism; the initiate of today can relate to the initiate of other generations because both have reacted to an identical personal experience. A new initiate can feel vaguely akin to the glory of the past, yet to him the ritual is as fresh as the sunrise. It is the ritual that makes men fraternity brothers even though they have never met. It binds each initiate by a private but meaningful tie to all other members of the brotherhood." So far Shelton.

I'm not sure I am bound by my Arctic Circle ritual to those hundreds of other brave and sometime fool hardy souls that poured across the tundra in search of gold in years long past. However, I do have a new feeling about what daunting challenges that wilderness presented to them. The Arctic is no place for sissies. Less than a foot beneath the tundra is the solid ice permafrost. The winter temperatures drop beyond 60 degrees below zero Fahrenheit, not counting the wind chill. On top of that, there is only darkness for nearly a month. In our day such extremes present real challenges to those seeking the black gold called oil.

By contrast with those hardy souls of the gold rush days as well as the present day oil drillers, our crossing was literally "a piece of cake." We rode north on the gravel road in a ten passenger van and flew back to Fairbanks in a nine passenger airplane. Nevertheless, we now have a kinship with them all and our little ritual confirmed it.

That's the value of rituals. They connect us with one another and with those who have gone before us. Sylvia and I arrived home a few days before our national Father's Day. I grant you that Father's Day is nowhere near as important as Mother's Day, but I was visited by my daughter, son-in-law and grandkids. They took Sylvia and me out to dinner and gave me a little present. My son and his family were on an African safari vacation, but he even found a way to phone his Dad from the other side of the world. It all meant a lot. It was part of the ritual. We all strengthened our bond to one another. This was much more than the third Sunday in June. It was Father's Day and by the rituals of the day I am the Dad remembered. I won't forget it.

Alvin H. Franzmeier, D. Rel., M.Th., M.Div. Lutheran clergy, marriage and family therapist. Pastor, missionary, therapist and campus chaplain. Retired. Author of Bible studies, sermons and novels. Retreat and seminar leader. Married, father of three and grandfather of six.

Email: alandsyl@airmail.net
http://www.alfranzmeier.com

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